Unapologetic Self-Care

For the first time in my fifteen year career I took a day off in January.
Not just a day off in January but a day off in January, on a Thursday after coming back from a two week winter break. I’m not sick, but I needed a day. And while new teacher me would have been horrified at the thought of taking a day off (in fact- new teacher me went to school with an actual kidney infection - true story) current me feels zero guilt over this one day off for seemingly no reason. Current me is proud that I honored myself and my needs with an entire day to my self. And I’m not sorry that I did it.

My life is hard- hard as in I am an ovarian cancer survivor who has an appointment with an oncologist on Wednesday because for the last six months I have been neglecting ovarian cancer symptoms because instead I have been grieving the the death of my son- hard. So, I took a legitimate mental health day because after the hell that is getting through the first Christmas after the death of a child I needed a day for self care and the holiday season doesn’t allow for such a thing.

So I took a day off.

If you’re reading this you’re probably thinking- well my God- of course you should take some time off. Why just a day?! Take the year.

But I don’t need to take a year. Because I know I work in a place that supports a teachers need to take a day, with no questions, with no judgement, whenever needed, because self care should come first.

So I took a day, instead of a year. Because amazing things happen when a teacher knows she is loved and supported.

My second year of teaching, I went to school with a slight fever and severe back pain. I didn’t want to call in sick because I knew I would get hell for it, so I sucked it up, took some DayQuil and went on to work.

By the end of the day I was shaking, laying at the back table in my room with a fever that had now peeked to 104.5. I called my boyfriend to pick me up and he immediately drove me to the Emergancy room. I was horrified, knowing I couldn’t write comprehensive sub plans, but pushed through the fever, chills, and shaking to email something that resembled plans to my office manager and then spent the night in the hospital.

The next day, I got a call from my principal.

“Your kids are misbehaving for your sub,” she scolded over the phone. Without pausing to hear why I was out she continued on, describing what the kids were doing, how not okay any of this was, but never once stopping to ask why I was out.

When I told her I was in the hospital with a kidney infection she simply replied, “Oh.” And then hung up the phone.

I spent the rest of that year looking for other jobs. Filling out applications to colleges for a second masters degree in anything but teaching. I spent hours researching and contemplating how I could get our. I dreaded going back and consistently questioned why I became a teacher. And then, a blessing in disguise of sorts, I was layed-off and rehires by a different district.

This new district respected teachers. They honored all of my years. Payed 10k more than the past district and, miraculously, supported me.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was terrified to tell my new principal. For an entire week, I would attempt to walk to her office to tell her I would be out for a few weeks because of cancer surgery. And for weeks, I would get to the hallway leading to her door and then turn and run. I was absolutely terrified to tell her. Would she yell at me for needing time off? Would she fire me because I had cancer and the only thing worse than a person dying of cancer was apparently a class that had to have a sub?

Luckily, this principal knew better. She believed in self care. She believed in caring for her teachers. And she believed that a class with a substitute would survive. She supported every second of my journey, encouraged me to take as much time as I needed and assured me that it would be okay.

Teachers deserve support. This profession is wildly toxic in ways that I cannot comprehend. When life gets hard, teachers shouldn't have to even think about sub plans. And to all of the admin out there ensuring their staff knows they come first, thank you. The profession needs more of you.